is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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