i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
