Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Life is so much better after having sex.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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