please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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