i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
