don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I party with great urgency now.
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