You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
