Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
