I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
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You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
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Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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