my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
