Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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