please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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