she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Sober January is a disaster.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
