I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
