I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
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