We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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