@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
