I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
