I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
