I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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