nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
