this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
