There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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