Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
COCAINE IS GR8
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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