yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
