So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
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