Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
