I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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