the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
