Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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