I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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