When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
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We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
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I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize