its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
