If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
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I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
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So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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