Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
BRING THE BAGELS
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
