I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
