Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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