dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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