cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
