Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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