sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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