Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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