i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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