Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I think I just sharted jello shots
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