I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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