I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
