i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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