I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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