i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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