I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
