You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
