Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
