it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
