Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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