I puked a lego.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
