So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
MIDGETS
????
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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