So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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