I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
