I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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