used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
