You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
