My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
