She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
