yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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