So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
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I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
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the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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