u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
