My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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