Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
